Consumer Reports' Initial Impressions of the Tesla Cybertruck: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Let's get this out of the way: I'm not a fan of Elon Musk or the Tesla Cybertruck. If that's news to you, welcome to your first day on MotorBuzz. While I won't deny the Model S's significance as the most important car of the 21st century, Musk and the Cybertruck are, in my humble opinion, hot garbage. But here's the beauty of Jalopnik – we've never pretended to be objective. We wear our biases on our sleeves. Consumer Reports, on the other hand, strives for impartiality. So, what's their take on the Cybertruck?

The Long-Awaited Arrival

Consumer Reports finally got their hands on the Cybertruck they ordered back in December 2019. With a hefty price tag of $102,000, it's been a long time coming. While they haven't had the chance to put it through their full gauntlet of over 50 tests, the team has clocked in 2,000 miles behind the wheel. And boy, do they have some thoughts.

The Good: Surprising Agility and Comfort

Believe it or not, there are aspects of the Cybertruck that Consumer Reports actually likes:

• Size deception: Despite its massive presence, the truck feels surprisingly manageable on highways and twisty roads.
• Performance: The acceleration and braking capabilities impressed the testers.
• Forward visibility: At least looking ahead isn't a problem.
• Bed storage: Practical and well-designed.
• Motorized tonneau cover: A neat party trick that's actually useful.
• Comfortable seats: Because who doesn't want a comfy throne in their cyberpunk truck?

The Bad: Visibility Nightmares and Control Quirks

Now, let's dive into the not-so-great aspects:

• "Everything else about visibility": Apparently, seeing anything that's not directly in front of you is a challenge.
• Maneuvering difficulties: The combination of poor visibility and quirky steering makes navigating tight spaces a nightmare.
• Unpredictable steering: Variable steering that keeps you guessing – not in a good way.
• Camera woes: Because who needs mirrors when you can have subpar camera feeds?
• The windshield wiper from hell: One giant, floppy wiper that seems to have a mind of its own.
• Mysterious motor noise: A weird sound between 30 and 40 mph that's sure to drive you crazy.
• Washing limitations: Keeping this angular beast clean is apparently a Herculean task.
• Rough ride: Potholes and expansion joints are your new enemies.
• Missing features: Because who needs all those bells and whistles in a $100k+ truck?
• Delivery experience: More on this comedy of errors later.
• Attention magnet: Hope you like being stared at everywhere you go.

The Ugly: Tesla's Signature Quirks and Glitches

Of course, it wouldn't be a Tesla without some head-scratching design choices and technical hiccups:

• The infamous yoke: Because regular steering wheels are so 20th century.
• Screen overload: Nearly every control is buried in the infotainment system. Hope you like menus!
• Missing in action: Traditional turn signal stalks and door handles? That's so passé.
• Error codes on arrival: Nothing says "quality" like a steering alignment error right out of the gate.
• Regenerative braking glitches: It's supposed to always be on, except when it randomly decides not to work.
• Overzealous windshield wiper: Who needs rain when your wiper has an imagination?

The Delivery Debacle

As if the truck itself wasn't entertaining enough, the delivery experience was a comedy of errors. Picture this: Consumer Reports shows up to pick up their $102,000 Cybertruck, and instead of a red carpet welcome, they're sent on a scavenger hunt across the lot to find their own vehicle. When they finally locate it, surprise! It needs to be charged, washed, and given a software update. Nothing says "luxury experience" quite like DIY delivery, right?

The Bigger Picture

While it's easy (and fun) to poke fun at the Cybertruck's quirks, these initial impressions raise some serious questions about Tesla's quality control and customer service. For a vehicle that's been hyped for years and carries a six-figure price tag, the number of issues reported by Consumer Reports is concerning.

The Cybertruck seems to embody Tesla's approach to car manufacturing: innovative in some ways, but frustratingly obtuse in others. The blend of cutting-edge technology with basic oversights (like poor visibility and ergonomics) paints a picture of a company that's perhaps too focused on being different for the sake of it, rather than creating a truly functional and user-friendly vehicle.

What This Means for Tesla and the EV Market

The Cybertruck was supposed to be Tesla's grand entrance into the lucrative pickup truck market. But if these initial impressions are anything to go by, traditional truck manufacturers like Ford and GM might not have much to worry about – at least not yet.

However, it's worth noting that this is just the beginning. Tesla has a history of improving its vehicles through over-the-air updates, so some of these issues might be resolved in the coming months. But the question remains: should customers paying over $100,000 for a vehicle be beta testers?

The Bottom Line

Look, I'm not here to tell you whether to love or hate the Cybertruck. But Consumer Reports' initial impressions seem to confirm what many of us suspected: it's a vehicle that prioritizes shock value and futuristic aesthetics over practical functionality. It's a rolling contradiction – impressive in some ways, deeply flawed in others.

For Tesla die-hards and tech enthusiasts with deep pockets, the Cybertruck might be a dream come true. For the rest of us? It's a fascinating case study in what happens when a company pushes the envelope so far that it forgets about the envelope's contents.

As Consumer Reports continues its testing, we'll undoubtedly learn more about the Cybertruck's long-term performance and reliability. But for now, it seems that Tesla's latest offering is exactly what we expected: a polarizing, problematic, yet undeniably intriguing addition to the automotive landscape. Whether that's a good thing or not, well, that's for you to decide.