Eating on the road: Sometimes it's inevitable. Maybe you're on a long trip with a tight schedule, maybe you've got young kids who won't go for long periods of time without snacking, or maybe you're just not uptight enough to be a dick about what's allowed in your vehicle. Regardless of the reasoning, food makes its way into most of our cars at some point or another, and earlier this week I asked you all to tell me which food item would be the absolute worst to eat behind the wheel.
You all came up with plenty of good options, as well as a few of the requisite "I value the cleanliness of my car interior over the relationships with my friends and loved ones" grouching. I personally like my friends more than I like the smell of rich Corinthian leather, but I understand that's not a universal sentiment. Anyway, without further ado, your answers.
Popsicles
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I once drove a 1987 Porsche 944 with damaged shifter insulation through that 100-mile stretch of road in Utah with no service stations, licking a popsicle. It was the first time I decided to open up the car to see what it could do, but the damaged insulation meant there was a blast of hot air trying to melt the popsicle so I had to deep throat that thing like I was trying for a table at Mar-A-Lago.
Submitted by: Matty Eff
I may genuinely get a popsicle after the climbing gym today, just because of this.
Pretzels
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Just about anything. Between the grease that gets onto the steering wheel, stuff that drips onto your shirt or the seatbelt, spills into the center console, or leaves crumbs everywhere, my choice is always to take a 15 minute break and sit outside of the car to eat. Or just wait until I get home. They only thing I really snack on while behind the wheel are small pretzels or baby carrots — they're about as clean and residue-free as you can get.
Submitted by: BuddyS
Unfortunately, pretzels are pretty cumbly themselves.
Fondue
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I'm going with fondue. Balancing the burner in your lap is a real challenge.
Submitted by: Very Stable Genius
The trick is to put the pot on your dashboard with some double-sided tape.
Soup from a bowl
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Soup from a bowl would be my number one but a close second is anything brittle or crumbly like a nature valley bar or a super flaky pastry where there's every chance between one bite and the next that it's going to break in half and fall down the side of the seat never to be seen again.
Submitted by: Jordan
"Soup from a bowl" is hitting my brain exactly like "beer from the fridge." It's where it comes from, for sure, but the unnecessary specificity tickles me.
Anything
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ANY food. That is what does the gross used car smell in most American used cars, dropped crumbs and grease smeared on the wheel that goes rancid.
I permit no food in my vehicles, and they smell like nothing but good leather.
Submitted by: Winter Cat
I hope the next owner appreciates your dedication, and that your friends and loved ones only despise you for this a little. Your priorities are for sure in the right place.
Tacos
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Tacos take all the disadvantages listed of burritos and add a few wrinkles. Tacos are more susceptible to leakage from the top and bottom, and crispy tacos add a constant danger of shell fragmentation.
Submitted by: DungBeetle62
Tacos are for sure more dangerous, but that makes them seem less appealing to me as a driver. A burrito will trick me.
Rice bowls
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If we're talking chain restaurant/fast food my vote is for Subway. Trying to manhandle a sub while steering, shifting gears and generally paying attention to the road results in a lap full of sub toppings.
If we're talking all foods in general I have to go with any sort of rice bowl. Half of the rice you are trying to get to your face will end up between your legs, ground into your seat and generally all over your car. Only thing I can think that would be worse is soup, but I can't see anyone trying to be a hero and eat soup while driving.
Submitted by: Mike
Mike, is this your way of telling us you have thought eating rice while driving was a good idea?
McMuffins
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Going with realistic options – food you'd get in a drive through and may eat while driving.
McDonald's biscuit sandwiches crumble and make a big mess. Their egg McMuffin and bagel sandwich can and do squirt shirt-ruining juices all over.
Next up would be just about any deluxe burger king sandwich, for the same reason. They're just messy.
Submitted by: Jason
God, this does make me want an Egg McMuffin though. There's just something so appealing about that complete lack of any resemblance to real eggs.
French fries
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French fries! Doesn't matter, you will always end up with one between the seat and console. That will be there forever.
Submitted by: TheAlchemist
You'll find it three years later. It'll still be perfectly edible. Do not take it up on that offer.
Clam Chowder
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Clam chowder. If you do find yourself eating clam chowder in your car while driving, something happened in your life and you need someone to talk to about it.
Submitted by: Alf Enthusiast
It at least better be New England Style.
