There are traffic hazards you expect—tight bends, sudden potholes, the odd rogue wheelie bin. But what about a “safety” bollard that’s so camouflaged, half the locals haven’t even seen it until it’s too late?
Welcome to the latest episode of Transport Engineering Theatre. Some bright spark at council HQ decided to install a new anti-crash bollard—a little safety pillar meant to keep drivers and pedestrians apart. Except they picked a design and placement that would stump a hawk. Painted a subtle grey, squat at just the right height to vanish behind a car bonnet, the thing has become infamous for catching drivers completely off guard.
The result isn’t pretty. Residents have started to call it the “Bell No.” Why? Because when you spot it, you mutter “Bloody hell, no” and brace for impact. Locals have started keeping a tally of how many cars get caught out curb-side. There are enough bent wheels and gouged tyres to supply a recycling center for a year.
You’d think after the first Facebook post—a mugshot of someone’s alloy absolutely ruined—the council might take a hint and slap a brighter sign on it. Maybe stick a flag in the top. Maybe paint it neon yellow. But nope, official word is that the bollard “meets all guidance standards.” Apparently, nobody in the standards office actually drives through this stretch.
It gets worse for delivery drivers and first-timers who have no clue what’s lurking. The stories roll in: “I heard a bang, thought I’d hit a rock; turns out it was the council’s latest gift. Steering’s off, and there’s a dent in my ego too.” Meanwhile, the council’s phone lines are busier than ever, handling claims and complaints.
Here’s the nuts part: the whole thing started as a safety upgrade. Planners hoped it would prevent reckless shortcuts and keep kids safe on busy corners. Instead, it’s become the most reliably dangerous thing in town—maybe not in the way anyone planned, but definitely effective.
