Because the worst people in the world have all the money now, some kid recently managed to secure a $10 million seed round for his sperm-racing startup. Yes, it has close ties to crypto. No, fertilization is not determined by which sperm reaches the egg the fastest. I guess it's possible the founder may do some good with his millions at some point, but for now, it's just a racing series for the dudes currently crashing out over the news that Theo Von completely bombed the taping of his latest standup special.
The good news is, if you love a good non-traditional race or driving competition, you're in good company. The last few of us still on staff here at Jalopnik love a good offbeat race or driving competition. Don't get me wrong, Formula 1 can be great, and even if you think you'll hate it, you have to go to at least one NASCAR race in your life. It's an experience, and you're missing out if you've never been. But the competitions that get the most attention aren't always the most interesting ones, just like how the performers who get the biggest record deals aren't always the most talented. If they were, country radio would sound completely different.
Just look at the world of competitive forklift driving. When we called it the pinnacle of motorsport, we weren't exaggerating. These drivers have absolutely insane skills and can handle a forklift better than you can probably do anything. Even if you were doing the thing you're the best at, you'd probably still look like an amateur next to the drivers who enter these forklift competitions. Forget sperm racing. I want to see more eyeballs on the Stapler Cup, the international forklift driving competition that pits other countries' best forklift drivers against each other.
Conveniently, you don't have to wait long to catch this year's Stapler Cup finals. The series is on a bit of a break now that the Slovakian qualifiers have wrapped up, but the finals kick off on October 23 and run through the 25th. Forget Halloween. The Stapler Cup Finals are the October holiday you should really be looking forward to, and I guarantee they'll be infinitely more interesting than any sperm racing.
Why stop with competitive forklift driving, though? There are all sorts of other races and competitions that are far more worthy of our time and attention than sperm racing. Let us know which ones are your favorites down in the comments below.